With all the strength I can muster, I am soldiering on.
But, I miss Egypt. I type with tears pouring down my face as I think of my friends, my adopted family, my home, all that became familiar. So much about Egypt changed me, and now I wonder if I became addicted to it. When I picture my friends having coffee without me, or wish I could take one last trip to Leila's or Festival City, my throat catches and I can't breathe. What I wouldn't give for one last mediocre meal at Maadi House or quiz night at the British Club?
I can do this.
I know I can do it. If I can make Cairo feel like home, I can do this too. I have to.
But this move is somehow harder. It came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face and I can't seem to get a handle on it.
My kids are having a hard time adjusting too, and I know I play a part in that. The guilt I feel for taking them away from their home and our friends is so hard. And the sadness is sitting in my stomach.
Cairo buddies, I miss you! *sob*
As I try my absolute darnedest to force myself forward, I keep coming back to the five stages of grief.
I am truly mourning.
My Cairo time is in the past. It's now unreachable and I can never get it back. And it's so hard. But I will make it through this because I don't have a choice. I will make a life for us here because that's what I do. Because if I don't, my family will never assimilate.
Even my wanderlust heart doesn't care that it's in a new place teeming with possibility. I'm in my fifth continent. I should be insatiably excited!
Not in pain.
These feelings are so foreign to this chipper, ever-happy gal.
I can't breathe.
But I will.
I will make it to acceptance and I will do it for myself and my family. I will force myself to set up my home. To explore this place and find new places to love. I will find excitement in planning new exotic trips. I will take each step.
My heart is heavy, friends. My well is dry.
I feel like waking up my kids so I can snuggle them. But... I'm not crazy. :D
The snuggles can wait until tomorrow. And hey, maybe the sun will come up.