The good news is that I never look back. Once I step forward, I never turn my head to wonder what might have been. I rarely long for "the old days". I'm good at finding happiness within myself, and great at abandoning painful moments and memories. Toxic friendships are easily tossed aside.
But, as a Mom, I need to be better at living in the present. Watching my babies grow, being blessed to stay home and see them on every single day of their lives, has exponentially changed me for the better. When they were little it was easy to see the urgency of not missing "it". But now as the kids are kids, self-reliant, smart, with free wills (God help me) and the ability to make their own choices, it's hard to force myself to stay in the moment.
It's easier to take the break.
I'm ashamed to say I find myself missing things. I am missing moments. Teachable moments. Loving moments.
I'm certainly not missing them all. I'm here. I love them. I adore them, really. And if they ask me to read, I do it. Puzzles with Mom, I'm there.
I've stepped WAY back from Facebook. I realized that in my effort to stay connected and make my friends laugh, I was alienating my kids. I've put my phone down. I'm not playing games on it anymore, or even taking videos of them constantly like I once was.
I'm actively trying to get to know my kids again. At these ages. Because they change so constantly, if you don't keep trying you miss it. You can lose the opportunities to grab that teachable moment or make that impact.
You just never know what moment will cement itself in their minds. We can take them out for ice cream and have a wonderful, hand-holding, loving moment, and then I can fuss at them and that may be the memory that sticks. I'm working hard on trying to lift up and encourage my kids. To show them grace and mercy firsthand.
To temper a tantrum with a hug instead of time out or punishments.
Moving is tough. It's been extremely hard on me this time. I know it's been equally hard on the kids. They are in turmoil right now. They need more hugs. They need more Mom and Dad. And they need grace and mercy.
So do I.
I need a hug.
And I need to remember these days and not regret them.