1. The one day you forego getting dressed to take your daughter to school, and instead wear yoga pants, giant t-shirt, and leave your teeth unbrushed will be the one day that car line is cancelled and you will be forced to join the masses of perfectly coiffed mother's taking their kids to school.
2. If you are two rooms away, your child will call you non-stop to come and take their drink from them and put it six inches away from them onto a table.
3. You shall not ever, ever, ever use the bathroom alone. You think you are alone because there is no one with you, but you will either see toesies on the other side of the door, or you will be interrupted by screams that force you to dart through the house while yanking up your pants. Nice!
4. Anytime you shower, expect one or two tiny faces to pop around the shower curtain. It's like a surprise party! The worst kind.
5. Your children can be playing nicely all day long. They can be in their room playing together, quietly, magically. The phone rings... Suddenly you are surrounded with screaming children who have immediate, unfulfilled needs, and refuse to listen to your pleas of "just a minute, guys." I'm convinced that a child minute is one millisecond.
6. The nights you need rest will be the ones where both of your children have nightmares, staggered times of course, one wets the bed requiring a complete linen change, and the other decides to awaken at 5am. If you need sleep, you will not get it.
7. If you scream, they will scream. If you whine, they whine. If you are sarcastic, so will they be. Basically, you are building your own Frankenstein out of your most prevalent qualities. Build carefully.
8. The Project Runway you have been excited to watch will somehow fail to record, but have no fear, you have seventeen hours of Handy Manny to ease your disappointment and fill your evening.
9. Your children have an amazing ability to hear the pantry door open. It calls to them. Should you open the tin of flour, you will be inundated with offers to "help" you bake. Let them, but don't expect it to be stress free. It's not. You are no longer baking, you are building a memory. If you think you are going to bake alone, you are wrong. This is why brownies are made at my house at 9pm.
10. Any new makeup you buy and are excited about will be dumped out, painted with, or twisted down to ruination. Pre-child SuperMom wore Lancome. Now I wear Maybelline and Bare Minerals. I'm not spending $30 on mascara that will be used to paint my bed, thank you. :)